“Care” in relationships between disabled and nondisabled partners is typically constructed as a binary between care-givers and care-receivers. In other words, the disabled partner is represented as only a care-receiver and the nondisabled partner as only a care-giver. This dependency dynamic desexualizes nondisabled/disabled relationships because the care burden is expected to interfere with sexual intimacy. This image of care and sexuality between disabled/nondisabled partners can be found in a variety of fields and discourses that touch the lives of people with disabilities and their partners. For example, in the applied fields (e.g., rehabilitation, medicine, counseling) the assumption that nondisabled partners experience only burden is frequently built into research designs and it is rare for such studies to even measure sexual and marital satisfaction or positive aspects of caregiving. Similarly, contemporary feminist research constructs nondisabled partners as victims of a system that refuses to help caregivers, statistically female. It is true that family caregivers need help, but it is symptomatic of our beliefs about disability in intimate relationships that the disabled partners are erased in much feminist care research. Even in the disability rights movement, care is often downplayed because, in a culture that views care so negatively, it is only a liability to draw attention to personal care needs. Disability rights advocates prefer to emphasize the similarities between disabled and nondisabled people. Thus, contemporary feminist research, the applied fields, popular culture and the disability rights movement—all relatively disparate discourses—engage in a surprisingly coherent, negative image of care in intimate relationships.
The voices of people involved in disabled/nondisabled intimate relationships are missing from this picture. This project turns to self-representations of people in disabled/nondisabled intimate relationships to illuminate alternative understandings of care and sexuality. It combines data from focus groups, autobiographies, and documentaries made by people with disabilities and/or their partners. Contrary to dominant representations of care in disabled/nondisabled relationships, this research suggests that the boundary between caregiver and care-receiver is often blurred. That is, the disabled partner gives care and the nondisabled partner received care and vise versa. In addition, physical care is often part of sexual intimacy.